Elevator Hell

My cousin Matt just linked to a video of a man who was trapped in an elevator for 41 (!!!!!) hours. Must-see shit right there.

New York City Boy

On Wednesday, I went to New York City to see shows and catch up with a great old friend.

First, the shows.

The Country Girl
by Clifford Odets at The Jacobs Theater starring Morgan Freeman, Frances McDormand and Peter Gallagher

This production has invited a substantial amount of controversy. I was worried, based on reports on Talkinbroadway.com. But, to my surprise, it was pretty tight and featured a couple of fine performances.

Here's the deal with Clifford Odets. He does not write the way that people speak. He's not as poetic as, say, O'Neill or Williams, but he's poignant in a way that regular people just aren't. At least, the words of real-lifers are not as fraught with the prophetic as are those of the make-believers in Odets' world. For this reason, it is very difficult for actors to make his lines work. In short order, Peter Gallagher did the best job, Frances McDormand did the second best (even though she tripped over a couple of her lines, tsk tsk), and Morgan Freeman needs to revisit the script IMMEDIATELY. That said, Freeman was off the motherlovin hook when he was playing drunk. It happened over the course of a 30-second scene change, but man, the transformation was the most believable I've ever seen. You know how watching actors play drunk can be painful, like more embarrassing than watching your parents get all kissy face in public? Well, this was painful in the way that getting a tattoo is painful--like, oooouch while it's happening, but you're so glad you sat through it when it's over.

As for the play, it's got a boring-ass first act and a killer second act. I hate when that happens. The script raises interesting points about the connection between artistic greatness and personal stability. It also turns the playwright--played by Remy Auberjonois--into a model of compassion. Kind of masturbatory, but I loved it.

In the end, the show is worth a visit. Always good to see Odets done by the best of the best. Because when the amateurs get a hold of him... wiiiiiiiiilllllfffff.

Cry-Baby
A new musical based on John Waters' movie

The most inconsequential show I've ever seen on Broadway. Not terribly offensive. Not bad enough to be a guilty pleasure. Not good enough to be really pleasurable.

The best parts are when the supporting cast gets a chance to shine--particularly Carly Jibson as a preggers 16 year old and Ali Mauzey as a schitzo with a lovesick heart.

OH!!! And there's a guy named Spencer Liff who's in the chorus. He actually may be reason enough to see this show. I also saw him in The Wedding Singer a few years ago, and let me tell you... homeboy can dance like a motherfucker. Seriously, he was more compelling than anyone else on the stage, and I don't think he spoke a single line or sang a solo. Huge talent. Epic.

And now, not-the-shows
Written by and starring me and Jon

Jon
A great friend
Since I was 12
Sixie year--that's seventh grade at my high school--
He sat behind me in Ms. Wong's Latin class
Later on
He played my son
In a play by Steve Martin
His ability to transform
And entertain
Intimidated me back then
So I viewed him as a rival

Now
A kindred spirit
The best kind of friend
One you can talk to
Who listens
And responds
And inspires

The man is doing great work in the big city
Great important work
And he still has the same creative spirit he had
When we were 12
So encouraging to talk to him
Everyone should have a Jon
Someone you can see everyday
Or once every couple of months
And still pick up as if nothing's changed
Or even better
Someone with whom you can celebrate the changes

Friends are
Normalizers
Equalizers
Pacifiers
Catalysts
Comrades

Vulnerability

To write is
To know where you stand
An internal GPS
Gives you bearings
A sense of where you are
Have been
Are going

I've been
Am
Will be
Coddled
Adored
Worshiped
Loved
Reviled
Depressed
Content
Restless
Interested
Apathetic
Underestimated
Overestimated
Secure
Anxious
Confident
Driven
Successful
Falling apart
Falling in love

The path to greatness
Bumpy at best
Littered with land mines
Or worse
It ends
Too soon
Or where you think it will
But it doesn't feel like you thought it would
And that's all OK
Because it's just life

This path
I know it
Am on it
I see the end
Know the steps to avoid
But that doesn't make it easier to navigate
Just more comfortable
Whiplash is my friend
Because it means I'm still riding
And I still have a head on my shoulders
Taking me in the right direction
To the real
To recovery

A friend of mine
A good friend
Whose honesty strips me bare
Beyond naked
I'm a skeleton with him
Clarified the idea of balance for me

Three-fold balance

• Work
• Play
• Love

For me
Giving each appropriate attention
Does not come naturally
But I get it
And I'm working on it

Sometimes
My arrogance surprises even me
The one the thing I never want to be is
One hundred percent sure of what I know
Inside
I feel the pendulum swinging
Constant back and forth
But outside
I'm steady as a twelve ton boulder

For other people
This disconnect creates a lot of confusion
Or anger
Or resentment
Or intrigue
Or attraction
When I let them in

It's important to let other people in
To absorb their critiques
To broaden our sense of morality
To complete the puzzle
Be whole

It's a tough adjustment
But if we can make it past shaky introductions
If I can make it past shaky introductions
Then the rest will fall into place

Run into the Ground

Yesterday
I'm still sore
All day
It didn't stop
From 11 a.m.
To 9 p.m.
People
Streaming in
Off the streets
Into seats
And I'd smile
And pour
And fetch

A customer literally said that to me the other day
"Will you fetch me some ketchup"
Because I'm not a server
I'm a dog
Whose greatest thrill in life
Is retrievals

Back to yesterday
I was a biiiitch
To my boss, not customers
"Tommy, do you think I should call in another server"
"Nah, we'll be fine"
And then
As soon as the restaurant was full
And there was no turning back
I looked at him
And said
"Why didn't you schedule another person for today"
Chaos makes me anxious
And irrational

Relationships also make me irrational
A friend of mine once told me
That my sign
Sagittarius
Was the astrological bachelor
And I think I understand why that is
It's hard to invest in someone else
When the returns you get from yourself
Are enough to build an empire

So despite the toll on my body and psyche
Yesterday was a profitable day
And not just because I made a lot of money
Being around all the marathoners
And that's mainly who we were serving
Especially at dinner
Was oddly calming
Like you could taste their endorphins
A delightful little contact high
Next year
I'm so fucking running it

Marathon Monday

Hey, remember Uta Pippig? Amazing woman. Three times (!!!) she won the Boston Marathon. Also killed a few in Berlin and competed in the Olympics.

Despite her accomplishments, choice friends of mine (Cod, Kaob) and I often used her name as a euphemism for really bad diarrhea. Why? Because poor Uta got her period and shit her pants while she was running (and winning) one of the Boston Marathons.

Good luck to all the runners!! Don't forget to Uta before hitting the pavement.